I love this so much! I had a similar experience years ago. I have always been afraid of attachment and I have never been in a relationship. At senior prom, a boy asked me and we had a wonderful night and at one point he tried to hold my hand and kiss me and I got scared and said no and we went our separate ways after graduation and I never saw him again. But it gnawed at me, as I grew into the kind of person that realized fear had kept me from a beautiful blossoming romance. So, I reached out to him years later, apologizing for my reaction and saying how I wish I'd let him in. We agreed that we could have been something, but it just hadn't been the right time for me. There was regret, but after speaking with him, I felt better. I didn't blame myself for being afraid, I gave myself the grace I needed for the girl I was back then.
Sometimes it can make a HUGE difference to just reach out and say the things we needed to and never did.
This was such a precious read. I think We all have the one person we wish we would’ve told that we loved them. Also funny side note: the lion king was also my favorite movie as a kid (I still love it too) so much so that I had a simba stuffed animal I carried around EVERYWHERE with me u til it literally fell apart.
I’m truly blown away by your bravery, Matt. It takes a special kind of person to reach out to someone from the past and open up like that. You have such a beautiful soul. I’m always touched by your authenticity, your caring nature, and your vulnerability. I can only imagine how much that must have meant to Chloe.
And I love that scene from The Lion King — so much wisdom packed into just a few seconds. Our past mistakes can either hold us back or help us grow. I’ve always been inspired by Edison’s words: “I have not failed 10,000 times — I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work,” when asked about his many attempts to invent the light bulb.💡
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Much love.❤️
Thank you for sharing this, I have a similar story, but a different conclusion. Boy meets girl when I was younger. Knew her from middle school till senior year of high school. It was a crush from a distance and had mutual friend groups. I never told her that I liked her, but she already knew cuz my "friend" told her when we were both in 6th grade and since then we didn't talk much. But in junior year I decided that I wanted to "move on from this crush" and typed out a letter and snuck it into her backpack, saying that I thanked her for helping me believe in love and that I am moving on from my crush towards her, (I don't know what I was thinking didn't even confess just went straight to moving on lol, she already knew my feelings anyways) and asked her if she would have given me a chance if I asked her out, which I doubted, but never got a response.
10 years later I bump into her best friend who works at the same company I do, and she tells me the girl I liked in high school also works at the same company, although she tells me she is engaged. I didn't know how to react, except to say congrats. I've thought about reaching out, but I don't think the answer would do me any good. I realized that some doors shouldn't be forced open. If we ever happen to bump into each other just catching up and seeing where our life paths went would be good enough for me. But what good would knowing do? Knowing whether she would have said yes or no to me asking her out, would have just given me more emotions to process. If she said yes, well she's engaged and also, I've moved on from her and if she would have said no then great that wouldn't have felt good nor mattered since she is engaged.
I will say though I've always thought about how this story could have easily turned into a hallmark movie. Boy meets high school crush 10 years later and she is engaged, and he fights for her love right before she is about to get married lol. XD
I have always wondered, if there could ever be a similar movie for getting back with the love of my live. But I've always been too afraid to break up with my current girlfriend to fight for her and test if there is any chance.
But I'd feel so horrible. She is in a relationship and I could not break someone else's relationship.
I would say that the "pleasure" of knowing what could be, isn't worth the cost of the treasure you have now. Unfortunately it's not like the movies. Now I don't know what your situation is so forgive me for any assumptions, but love is a choice. You chose to love your new girlfriend over going back to your ex and fighting for her, if you wanted to fight for her it would have been before you got into another relationship. You called your ex the love of your life, but she is an ex for a reason, whatever that may be, you now have a current love of your life and that's a treasure some people don't have. Aka single people like me.
Now I feel like I'm being too forward and accusatory and I hope it doesn't come across that way but sometimes in order to get over someone that has such a strong hold on your heart, strong words are needed. I know I needed them. but I just want to end this with, the what ifs of your life sucks, but that's why the silverlining just like Mat said and Rafiki said is you can learn from it. Maybe all those mistakes and hardships that caused you to split in the first place with the other girl can make your current relationship even stronger.
However, I disagree. I wish it was as easy to chose who to love. And not anyone is the love of your life. I wish you all the best that you find her and keep her.
For me, there almost hasn't been a day in the past 9 years or so, that I haven't thought of her. And I can't choose to live my current girlfriend the way, I loved that girl. I am with her because I am for her what the love of my life was for me. But I cannot love her the way I love(d) the other one.
And I am not with the love of my life (anymore) because she did not love me like I loved her and unfortunately it's not enough for one to love the other. Ideally both should love each other.
That's beautiful. Love that you referred to the Lion King, it's one of my favorite scenes. I also love that you deiced that you don't want to experience that regret again, and instead of letting it turn into fear, you went past it and told Jane how you felt because you didn't want her to turn to Chloe 2.0, that's inspiring. 🌹
I love this! I definitely have been that person ruminating on things not said for years and years. Then one day I had a brain aneurysm and my biggest regret was not saying so much to so many people. I wish it hadn’t taken a brain aneurysm to get me to express more. But I went back and said everything to everyone. It definitely wasn’t the responses I wanted from everyone, but the weight it lifted was tremendous. And that remembrance of regret always pushes me to express everything in the moment rather than holding onto it. It was not an overnight switch by any means. The anxiety was real. It took a couple years to be able to freely express. Even still I feel the nerves, but that motivation to not live with the regret and rumination is the best thing to get me moving. I’m thankful you shared this story. It’s a really great reminder!
How nice this post is! I remember this story from the meetup in Parc de la Ciutadella✨and I can relate to that freeing feeling when you say something that somehow got stuck. A release. I had an important conversation with someone I deeply cared for after a few years of no contact. It was a beautiful and bonding moment. Being honest and being able to say what you feel is key. No matter what it is: an apology, an explanation, admiration, love…
It’s not easy, but sometimes those words were exactly what you needed to move forward.
Your emotions have always felt very personal matt, just getting up from a detachment from a friend whom I've been friends with for the last 10 years, everything was really hitting hard while on a drive but this post hit the right perspective :-)
Thank you for your existence, my soul feel much freed :D
I love this so much! I had a similar experience years ago. I have always been afraid of attachment and I have never been in a relationship. At senior prom, a boy asked me and we had a wonderful night and at one point he tried to hold my hand and kiss me and I got scared and said no and we went our separate ways after graduation and I never saw him again. But it gnawed at me, as I grew into the kind of person that realized fear had kept me from a beautiful blossoming romance. So, I reached out to him years later, apologizing for my reaction and saying how I wish I'd let him in. We agreed that we could have been something, but it just hadn't been the right time for me. There was regret, but after speaking with him, I felt better. I didn't blame myself for being afraid, I gave myself the grace I needed for the girl I was back then.
Sometimes it can make a HUGE difference to just reach out and say the things we needed to and never did.
This was such a precious read. I think We all have the one person we wish we would’ve told that we loved them. Also funny side note: the lion king was also my favorite movie as a kid (I still love it too) so much so that I had a simba stuffed animal I carried around EVERYWHERE with me u til it literally fell apart.
Thanks for writing this, really inspiring and uplifting!! Cheers
Beautiful as always, thanks for sharing Matt!!
I’m truly blown away by your bravery, Matt. It takes a special kind of person to reach out to someone from the past and open up like that. You have such a beautiful soul. I’m always touched by your authenticity, your caring nature, and your vulnerability. I can only imagine how much that must have meant to Chloe.
And I love that scene from The Lion King — so much wisdom packed into just a few seconds. Our past mistakes can either hold us back or help us grow. I’ve always been inspired by Edison’s words: “I have not failed 10,000 times — I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work,” when asked about his many attempts to invent the light bulb.💡
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Much love.❤️
This just is so pretty!
Yeah, 13 year old love hits hard, it stays, and it teaches. I take that love into each bond that I form till date.
Thank you for sharing this, I have a similar story, but a different conclusion. Boy meets girl when I was younger. Knew her from middle school till senior year of high school. It was a crush from a distance and had mutual friend groups. I never told her that I liked her, but she already knew cuz my "friend" told her when we were both in 6th grade and since then we didn't talk much. But in junior year I decided that I wanted to "move on from this crush" and typed out a letter and snuck it into her backpack, saying that I thanked her for helping me believe in love and that I am moving on from my crush towards her, (I don't know what I was thinking didn't even confess just went straight to moving on lol, she already knew my feelings anyways) and asked her if she would have given me a chance if I asked her out, which I doubted, but never got a response.
10 years later I bump into her best friend who works at the same company I do, and she tells me the girl I liked in high school also works at the same company, although she tells me she is engaged. I didn't know how to react, except to say congrats. I've thought about reaching out, but I don't think the answer would do me any good. I realized that some doors shouldn't be forced open. If we ever happen to bump into each other just catching up and seeing where our life paths went would be good enough for me. But what good would knowing do? Knowing whether she would have said yes or no to me asking her out, would have just given me more emotions to process. If she said yes, well she's engaged and also, I've moved on from her and if she would have said no then great that wouldn't have felt good nor mattered since she is engaged.
I will say though I've always thought about how this story could have easily turned into a hallmark movie. Boy meets high school crush 10 years later and she is engaged, and he fights for her love right before she is about to get married lol. XD
I have always wondered, if there could ever be a similar movie for getting back with the love of my live. But I've always been too afraid to break up with my current girlfriend to fight for her and test if there is any chance.
But I'd feel so horrible. She is in a relationship and I could not break someone else's relationship.
I would say that the "pleasure" of knowing what could be, isn't worth the cost of the treasure you have now. Unfortunately it's not like the movies. Now I don't know what your situation is so forgive me for any assumptions, but love is a choice. You chose to love your new girlfriend over going back to your ex and fighting for her, if you wanted to fight for her it would have been before you got into another relationship. You called your ex the love of your life, but she is an ex for a reason, whatever that may be, you now have a current love of your life and that's a treasure some people don't have. Aka single people like me.
Now I feel like I'm being too forward and accusatory and I hope it doesn't come across that way but sometimes in order to get over someone that has such a strong hold on your heart, strong words are needed. I know I needed them. but I just want to end this with, the what ifs of your life sucks, but that's why the silverlining just like Mat said and Rafiki said is you can learn from it. Maybe all those mistakes and hardships that caused you to split in the first place with the other girl can make your current relationship even stronger.
Hi Reuben,
thanks for your words.
However, I disagree. I wish it was as easy to chose who to love. And not anyone is the love of your life. I wish you all the best that you find her and keep her.
For me, there almost hasn't been a day in the past 9 years or so, that I haven't thought of her. And I can't choose to live my current girlfriend the way, I loved that girl. I am with her because I am for her what the love of my life was for me. But I cannot love her the way I love(d) the other one.
And I am not with the love of my life (anymore) because she did not love me like I loved her and unfortunately it's not enough for one to love the other. Ideally both should love each other.
How can we sign up for the next round of Pen Pals? :)
Okay but can we talk about Fredi’s outfit absolutely KILLING the game?! She’s stunning - wherever you are Fredi - I’m SO proud of you! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
(and proud of you too, Matt, for sharing this piece, xo!)
That's beautiful. Love that you referred to the Lion King, it's one of my favorite scenes. I also love that you deiced that you don't want to experience that regret again, and instead of letting it turn into fear, you went past it and told Jane how you felt because you didn't want her to turn to Chloe 2.0, that's inspiring. 🌹
I love this! I definitely have been that person ruminating on things not said for years and years. Then one day I had a brain aneurysm and my biggest regret was not saying so much to so many people. I wish it hadn’t taken a brain aneurysm to get me to express more. But I went back and said everything to everyone. It definitely wasn’t the responses I wanted from everyone, but the weight it lifted was tremendous. And that remembrance of regret always pushes me to express everything in the moment rather than holding onto it. It was not an overnight switch by any means. The anxiety was real. It took a couple years to be able to freely express. Even still I feel the nerves, but that motivation to not live with the regret and rumination is the best thing to get me moving. I’m thankful you shared this story. It’s a really great reminder!
Paris will do that
MATT omg! (philadelphia Matt) Hi ahahha this is awesome seeing you on here!! (Gia deangelis)
How nice this post is! I remember this story from the meetup in Parc de la Ciutadella✨and I can relate to that freeing feeling when you say something that somehow got stuck. A release. I had an important conversation with someone I deeply cared for after a few years of no contact. It was a beautiful and bonding moment. Being honest and being able to say what you feel is key. No matter what it is: an apology, an explanation, admiration, love…
It’s not easy, but sometimes those words were exactly what you needed to move forward.
Your emotions have always felt very personal matt, just getting up from a detachment from a friend whom I've been friends with for the last 10 years, everything was really hitting hard while on a drive but this post hit the right perspective :-)
Thank you for your existence, my soul feel much freed :D