My mom once said in a letter (as a reply on my “I am sorry” letter I gave her when I was 9, and ran upstairs real quick so I wouldn’t need to face her when she read it): “good luck with practicing love, and keep on practicing and practicing till you succeed and ‘you will always have me as your mom to practice on’”
She was telling me that learning how to love and love does never come with only a bed of roses.
And so; learning to speak up for yourself never comes with only a garganta, you need situations to practice indeed.
Really lovely blog again, it made me realize that everything is balanced in some kind of way
I like this one, I have struggled to get out of that people pleaser stage and saying no. Standing up for myself. Thanks for the read. You have been a huge inspiration, Appreciate you Matt.
I have weird theory that this change has something to do with Barcelona...I've noticed that I've changed in the same way since moving here. It could be a coincidence, or it could be something in this sweet Catalan air
I’ve been through my own experience of this in the last year. I’ve been speaking up more about the things that matter to me and telling the people I love when they’re stepping over my boundaries… it’s been tough and I’ve offended them many times, but boy oh boy do I feel better being honest about my feelings!
I’m happy to be learning and growing along side you!
This one hits home. I’ve always been a people-pleaser, a “peace-keeper”, but I’ve slowly been realizing that avoiding conflict at all costs has turned more and more into cowardice.
My brother always defends what’s right, even if it’s uncomfortable, and I’ve learned to really respect that character of his- even if he does it a little too harshly sometimes lol.
Defending myself and others when I’m being taken advantage of is hard, but I’m comforted knowing you and many in this community are still learning as well :) Thanks for the encouragement this morning Matt ☀️
Man I’ve been going through the same thing, but like I was never usually a people pleaser, I was the one whose lid always blew up when I was a teen. Then I did a full 180 where i avoided confrontation because of fear of being unwelcome. I realized I had jumped to both extremes and am now finally finding times where I have the courage to say ‘actually I disagree.’
It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
This one resonates DEEPLY. I probably still am a chronic people pleaser, but I'm also trying harder not to be -- and yeah, that means not getting it perfect all the time. Although I'm usually (desperately) conflict avoidant, I'll be moving away from home next month for a semester abroad in Copenhagen for my master's which my family isn't supportive of. It's been hard to communicate or find the right words to make everyone happy and comfortable with my decision, but I'm not resigning quietly to the corner anymore, which is a huge win in my book :) Thanks for speaking your truth Matt!
“I will take clumsy over silent anyway” 👏👏👏👏🔥💖 big YAaaaaaassss. Your girl was a bad people pleaser. Being autistic and artistic in school I was CONSTANTLY being misunderstood and not liked. So I greatly valued the few people who wanted to be my friend. Because “friends” came in short supply I basically stepped into this super toxic mentality that I couldn’t stand up for myself or I’d “loose people”. I literally just found my voice a couple years ago. Like up until maybe 4 or so years ago I was SUCH a push over. I also struggled with letting things bottle up and then just exploding in anger at the wrong time with the wrong people. If I’m being honest; I’m still very much so working on it. I tend to have a slightly more avoidant attachment style especially when triggered. I tend to run and hide instead of sticking up for myself. Learning to stick up for myself has felt like a baby deer learning to stand for the first time on ice. 😂🤦🏼♀️🤡 it’s been a lot of mishaps and clumsiness
I relate to you 100%. Do you think you tended to mask too much to fit in and please people? I had too many bad experiences with classmates that I got too introverted for a while, but I've finally managed to get out of my shell in my final year of school! Although I still think that I try too hard, and I stuck up for myself once only to have the other side collectively supported by my class, so I didn't try that again haha. I really do love everybody though, I feel like everybody has a story that's so worth unpacking after befriending them, and I want to be friends with everybody. I get the urge to befriend even the person who fought with me.
I also think masking is real and I'm still figuring out how to behave optimally, I only recently realized that I'm likely on the spectrum myself.
Oh god yes! It’s honestly sooo cringy how many trends I tried to follow and clicks I tried to join. I would try and mimic peoples body language. I would practice conversations in the mirror just trying to “make people like me”. My teens were super fucking aKward. I was a cheerleader who didn’t get along with the popular girls. I was an art student who was “too cool” to hang out with the “outcasts. I went through sooo many different types of music. It all accumulated to me being super confused and super anxious. I found that if I weaponized my sexuality and became a “flirt” that that was the easiest way to mask where I wasn’t judged as harshly. But it got old. I grew depressed. I eventually just decided it was better to be the “weird kid” and just embrace my natural nerdiness. I started playing Dnd and joined theatre. I’m now 34 and in the last 7 or so years I’ve really found myself. I know read tarot and coach others through healing. I have a YouTube channel where I utilize my education in psychology and the spiritual to teach others how to “glow up” on a soul level. We talk a lot about shadowork, traditional therapy techniques. I mix the metaphysical and the occult with traditional medicine and try to help people find their authentic self expression. It’s been one hell of a journey but one I’m truly honored to go down
Wonderfully expressed as always, Matt ! Yes the change from being a people pleaser to saying no can be clumsy and take a lot of tries. Thank you for sharing & inspiring us. Namaste 🙏 😂 x
"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." You just reminded me of this quote from Tony Gaskins and I can totally rely to your people pleasing personality. We focus on the first part of the quote, the "what you allow" part - but that is only 33% of that quote and as long you slowly get to the other parts of this quote - you'll be on the right track! :)
I’m so proud of you Matt for taking clumsy steps into the uncomfortable and speaking up for yourself. It is not an easy road, but I truly love what you said about operating from place of fierce love. It is beautiful when you can be unapologetically you! You are So worthy of being able to operate from that place! As always much love ❤️
My mom once said in a letter (as a reply on my “I am sorry” letter I gave her when I was 9, and ran upstairs real quick so I wouldn’t need to face her when she read it): “good luck with practicing love, and keep on practicing and practicing till you succeed and ‘you will always have me as your mom to practice on’”
She was telling me that learning how to love and love does never come with only a bed of roses.
And so; learning to speak up for yourself never comes with only a garganta, you need situations to practice indeed.
Really lovely blog again, it made me realize that everything is balanced in some kind of way
This is so cute! You must have immense emotional maturity to write a letter to descalate when you were so small!
I like this one, I have struggled to get out of that people pleaser stage and saying no. Standing up for myself. Thanks for the read. You have been a huge inspiration, Appreciate you Matt.
“Told them to Namaste themselves” - pure gold! 😜
Solid work. Being able to speak up for truthful justice is so important. Learning right along side of you. Hug from peru
I have weird theory that this change has something to do with Barcelona...I've noticed that I've changed in the same way since moving here. It could be a coincidence, or it could be something in this sweet Catalan air
Love this Matt!
I’ve been through my own experience of this in the last year. I’ve been speaking up more about the things that matter to me and telling the people I love when they’re stepping over my boundaries… it’s been tough and I’ve offended them many times, but boy oh boy do I feel better being honest about my feelings!
I’m happy to be learning and growing along side you!
Big love brother!
Fun and important text. Would love to read what comes next! Keep going and don't let them get away with it!
This one hits home. I’ve always been a people-pleaser, a “peace-keeper”, but I’ve slowly been realizing that avoiding conflict at all costs has turned more and more into cowardice.
My brother always defends what’s right, even if it’s uncomfortable, and I’ve learned to really respect that character of his- even if he does it a little too harshly sometimes lol.
Defending myself and others when I’m being taken advantage of is hard, but I’m comforted knowing you and many in this community are still learning as well :) Thanks for the encouragement this morning Matt ☀️
Thank you! Truly loved this one..!
Man I’ve been going through the same thing, but like I was never usually a people pleaser, I was the one whose lid always blew up when I was a teen. Then I did a full 180 where i avoided confrontation because of fear of being unwelcome. I realized I had jumped to both extremes and am now finally finding times where I have the courage to say ‘actually I disagree.’
It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
This one resonates DEEPLY. I probably still am a chronic people pleaser, but I'm also trying harder not to be -- and yeah, that means not getting it perfect all the time. Although I'm usually (desperately) conflict avoidant, I'll be moving away from home next month for a semester abroad in Copenhagen for my master's which my family isn't supportive of. It's been hard to communicate or find the right words to make everyone happy and comfortable with my decision, but I'm not resigning quietly to the corner anymore, which is a huge win in my book :) Thanks for speaking your truth Matt!
“I will take clumsy over silent anyway” 👏👏👏👏🔥💖 big YAaaaaaassss. Your girl was a bad people pleaser. Being autistic and artistic in school I was CONSTANTLY being misunderstood and not liked. So I greatly valued the few people who wanted to be my friend. Because “friends” came in short supply I basically stepped into this super toxic mentality that I couldn’t stand up for myself or I’d “loose people”. I literally just found my voice a couple years ago. Like up until maybe 4 or so years ago I was SUCH a push over. I also struggled with letting things bottle up and then just exploding in anger at the wrong time with the wrong people. If I’m being honest; I’m still very much so working on it. I tend to have a slightly more avoidant attachment style especially when triggered. I tend to run and hide instead of sticking up for myself. Learning to stick up for myself has felt like a baby deer learning to stand for the first time on ice. 😂🤦🏼♀️🤡 it’s been a lot of mishaps and clumsiness
I relate to you 100%. Do you think you tended to mask too much to fit in and please people? I had too many bad experiences with classmates that I got too introverted for a while, but I've finally managed to get out of my shell in my final year of school! Although I still think that I try too hard, and I stuck up for myself once only to have the other side collectively supported by my class, so I didn't try that again haha. I really do love everybody though, I feel like everybody has a story that's so worth unpacking after befriending them, and I want to be friends with everybody. I get the urge to befriend even the person who fought with me.
I also think masking is real and I'm still figuring out how to behave optimally, I only recently realized that I'm likely on the spectrum myself.
Oh god yes! It’s honestly sooo cringy how many trends I tried to follow and clicks I tried to join. I would try and mimic peoples body language. I would practice conversations in the mirror just trying to “make people like me”. My teens were super fucking aKward. I was a cheerleader who didn’t get along with the popular girls. I was an art student who was “too cool” to hang out with the “outcasts. I went through sooo many different types of music. It all accumulated to me being super confused and super anxious. I found that if I weaponized my sexuality and became a “flirt” that that was the easiest way to mask where I wasn’t judged as harshly. But it got old. I grew depressed. I eventually just decided it was better to be the “weird kid” and just embrace my natural nerdiness. I started playing Dnd and joined theatre. I’m now 34 and in the last 7 or so years I’ve really found myself. I know read tarot and coach others through healing. I have a YouTube channel where I utilize my education in psychology and the spiritual to teach others how to “glow up” on a soul level. We talk a lot about shadowork, traditional therapy techniques. I mix the metaphysical and the occult with traditional medicine and try to help people find their authentic self expression. It’s been one hell of a journey but one I’m truly honored to go down
Matt will always be my favorite ex people pleaser
Wonderfully expressed as always, Matt ! Yes the change from being a people pleaser to saying no can be clumsy and take a lot of tries. Thank you for sharing & inspiring us. Namaste 🙏 😂 x
"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." You just reminded me of this quote from Tony Gaskins and I can totally rely to your people pleasing personality. We focus on the first part of the quote, the "what you allow" part - but that is only 33% of that quote and as long you slowly get to the other parts of this quote - you'll be on the right track! :)
I’m so proud of you Matt for taking clumsy steps into the uncomfortable and speaking up for yourself. It is not an easy road, but I truly love what you said about operating from place of fierce love. It is beautiful when you can be unapologetically you! You are So worthy of being able to operate from that place! As always much love ❤️