The Lost Art of Rest

How to truly savor your time off

Welcome to the 193 new subscribers who have joined us since the last post!

I’m Matt, I co-founded a YouTube channel, wrote a book about it, and now live in Barcelona as a full-time writer.

Every few weeks, I share a short lesson aimed at making your life 1% better. Glad you’re here :)

Also, in 48 HOURS the penpal emails begin, where I’ll be connecting you with a new friend from this epic community. If you want to meet an incredible new human literally starting in two days, join Matt’s Friend Club (MFC) :)

Alrighty, here we go…

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(Photo cred: Nathaniel Drew)

I’ve never been good at weekends.

Monday through Friday, I’m usually on fire.

I have my to do lists, I write these newsletters, work on my new business, study Spanish, go to art class, then salsa or tennis, and usually end the day over dinner with a friend.

It’s a great, full, busy life.

But then Saturday comes and I have this expectation that it’s going to be the opposite of my week. That I’m not going to plan anything. Instead, I’ll lay in bed longer, move slower, just flow.

Problem is, I rarely enjoy that.

The first time I noticed this was an issue was eight years ago during Yes Theory’s early days. Sundays were our only days off. We would post at 10 am and then everyone would go on their own adventure. Meanwhile, I would often find myself lying on my bedroom couch staring up at the ceiling for hours, feeling anxious, restless, and depressed. I didn’t get it at the time, I just thought something was terribly wrong with me. My friends seemed to know how to enjoy their weekends, and I was the odd man out.

But now I understand something that I so badly wish I knew then…

Rest is a skill.

Being good at rest requires the same level of focus and practice as any other ability.

Waking up on Saturday expecting to instantly relax is like walking into a gym with no workout plan and hoping to get stronger. It sounds good in theory—but without structure or intention, you just end up wandering around, listening to jacked dudes grunt as you judge your physique, and leave feeling unfulfilled. Rest, like strength, takes practice.

So many of us spend our days off sprinkling in work—checking emails, running errands, completing to-do lists—or worrying that we’re not spending the time correctly. It’s rest disguised as work and worry. No wonder we don’t feel recharged. No wonder we feel drained. And no wonder we eventually burn out.

So what would it look like if we approached rest as a skill?

We would allocate time and energy to it.

We would set a structure around it.

This is a similar idea to Julia Cameron’s Artist Date from her mega-best seller—and a personal life changer of mine—The Artist’s Way.

As she explains it,

The Artist Date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist...An Artist Date is an excursion, a playdate that you preplan and defend against all interlopers.

Did you catch what she said there…the Artist Date is something that you preplan.

It’s not random.

It’s a commitment, a date with yourself.

Planning how we spend our days off is a form of self-love. It enlivens the child within us who is desperate for play. But that child needs structure. A great parent puts love, time and intention into an experience. Yet so many of us don’t think we deserve special days. We value ourselves as workers, not resters, and so the investment goes into the former, not the latter.

But what if we put just as much effort into planning our lives outside of work?

What if we cared about ourselves enough to consistently give ourselves fulfilling experiences, even if it’s just a bookshop a few blocks away or a bubble bath?

Because that’s the thing about structure...it doesn’t confine you—it frees you. When you know the parameters of an experience, you become free to explore within them.

It’s like Jack White said,

Telling yourself, ‘Oh, you’ve got all the time in the world, all the money in the world, you’ve got all the colors in the palette you want, anything you want’—that just kills creativity.

Same goes for rest. Infinite options and time kill rest.

So now I’m taking a dose of my own medicine.

This weekend I’m going to Girona, Spain.

It’s an hour away. Never been. Heard great things. According to ChatGPT, I gotta check out the medieval architecture, the food scene, and even some Game of Thrones filming locations. So that’s what I’ll be doing.

It’s a relief to know what I’m doing. That I’m going somewhere. That I’m not lingering. I’m ready to play, to explore. And most importantly, to give myself the permission to be a kid again. Because that, to me, is rest.

How ‘bout you? Big or small, what’s something you’re planning outside of work, just for you?

Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Love,

Matt

PS - I just have to say something real quick…

You guys are incredible.

While reading through all of the submissions for Matt’s Friend Club, I teared up. The amount of kind, brave, intelligent, inspiring, hard-working humans that are part of this community just boggles my mind.

What I did to deserve this—to be connected to each of you in some strange way—I will never know. I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life.

So yeah, this is just a thank you for being you. That’s it.

Sending you so much love.

So much freaking love.

…PPS!

In honor of this community, I’m going to start sharing some of your wins at the end of these newsletters.

This past week, Yesha completed her first ever marathon, here in Barcelona. I tagged along with a few community members to cheer her at the 26 km mark—it was awesome.

Big shout out to you, Yesha, and love from all of us! (If you’d like to be featured in the next one, email me your Win of the Week (with a photo) at matt@mattdahlia.com 😉)

Kk I promise I’m done now.

Love you!